Not Goin' To The Chapel
Clearly, one of the big changes in my work over the past thirty years is that I don't do many weddings anymore.
There are many reasons for this change. People don't participate in church communities. Many folks aren't getting married these days. And the big one is that states like Michigan allow anyone to perform weddings, as long as they go online and secure a $25 license. I don't think that is all bad. Frankly, having a wedding at the church because, as I was told a long time ago, "your roof line is so pretty," is probably not the best reason to get married in a church. But I must admit that I grieve over not presiding at many weddings, not so much for my sake, but for the sake of marriage itself, and yes, even the culture. I happen to believe that many of us do better if we have a large story that we participate in. The church or other faith communities can surround couples with a bigger narrative than Cinderella or Star Wars. And what's more, I also think that couples benefit from pre-marital counseling that folks in my kind of position can provide. I worry that so much of what happens in this culture is shaped by our individualistic impulses and tastes. I happen to believe that we as individuals become better individuals when we are a part of a larger community, which brings its expectations, rituals, and narratives.